Looking in the Mirror
by ercarterfan
Summary: What is it like to after 30 years realize that you are looking in a mirror but there's no glass there. Life can change in the blink of an eye. I am redoing the chapters and adding to the story.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This story was written in response to a challenge issued to me, to write a story where I couldn't physically harm, or cause emotional distress to Carter or to Abby. I also had to bring someone from Carter's past into the story, so please sit back and enjoy as we go Looking in the Mirror. I have re-written this story now twice, the first time I just felt it needed more than what it had, and now in trying to it up again I decided that it needed yet another direction.

Disclaimer: The usual stuff, I don't own this characters, I am just borrowing them for personal entertainment, there is to be no money made off this story at any time. Unless the producers and writers of ER decide to let me write for them someday. Any medical information in this story is purely for entertainment purposes and should not be taken. If you have any questions about a medical condition, or treatment, please consult your doctor.

**_Chapter 1: Reflections_**

...Boston's Holy Cross Hospital....June 1970........

Eleanor Carter had just given birth to twin babies; the first a boy, named after his father and grandfather, Johnathan, and the second a girl, named Victoria, after Eleanor's grandmother. The Carter's were overjoyed with the new additions to their family, which had grown from two to four. Barbara their eldest daughter and Bobby now had a new brother and sister. However, this joy was short lasting for the day before they were to leave the hospital for home, some one had gone into the nursery and whisked away the baby girl from her family. Eleanor was heartbroken. They never were able to find her baby girl and she was never seen again. In her grief, Eleanor forbade anyone of speaking of the child again.

.... Current day... Chicago 2004

Every doctor has that one patient that catches there attention, that they spend a little more time with. Today I had found mine. She was a 90 year old woman who had come in with end stage lung cancer. She was dying and both of us seemed to know it. She had come in alone and here I was sitting with her holding her hand now, it seemed both the compassionate and noble thing to do. No one deserved to die alone.

"Life is a precious thing." I hear her say to me.

I nod back in agreement, "yes ma'am it sure is."

"We all have life changing moments, everything in life happens for a reason." She goes on, "tell me, I can see it in your face, what was yours. What happened here that changed your life."

I looked down at her, "you want to know about my life?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know." She says between labored breathes, "humor an old lady who has many stories that have been told but is looking to hear one this time."

I smile down at her, "well if you put it that way, I think I might be able to tell you about the thing that changed my life as I knew it."

She smiles back at me; I can feel her holding my hand now. "Do tell."

I give her hand a small squeeze, "all right." I watch as she closes her eyes, I know that she is listening to me waiting for me to tell her the story, instead of her telling me what of her countless adventures in life, she wants to hear mine. Who am I to argue with her?

I take a deep breathe in as I begin to tell her the tale. The story of how I ended up in Chicago and the reasons that led me to stay.

...Chicago, Cook County General...November 2002

_I walked through the doors of County hospital, here for an interview today. While working in Houston I had seen an ad in the annals of emergency medicine that they were looking for an attending physician. I knew that she was more than qualified after graduating at the top of her class. I also knew and having been told by professors that I was a bright young doctor with a great career ahead of her. But for some reason my mother was terrified of me going to Chicago. I couldn't understand her reasons for it. For I had grown up in a rural area of Washington State, far away from Illinois, but had long moved away from home. I had spent time in Seattle before moving to Houston to do my residency. And after finishing that, I had looked forward to spreading my wings and moving on. There was nothing wrong with Houston, other than the sweltering heat and the run of the mill drive by shootings. I had actually loved my time there but wanted to work in other areas of the country, going where I felt I would be needed the most. _

County offered me the opportunity to work with the needy. However I had not been prepared for Chicago after being in the south for so long. It was cold and windy here, and was going to take a lot of adjusting to. Out of nervous habit I straightened my clothes before walking into the ER and I silently prayed that the woman standing there would be able to help me.

"Excuse me," I say to a short woman standing behind the desk, "I'm looking for Dr. Susan Lewis."

"If you have a seat I will get her as soon as I can. She's with a patient" the woman standing behind the desk replied.

"She's expecting me; I have an appointment to meet with her." She seemed rather busy and almost annoyed that I had taken the time to bother her.

"This is an ER, we don't do appointments." The woman said to me as she looked up at catching a glance of me. I watch as her expression changed, her tone almost changed with me too, "take, take a seat in the chairs and someone will make sure that the doctor sees you."

"No, I'm not here to see her as a patient; I'm meeting her for a job interview. Dr. Weaver said that I was supposed to meet with Dr. Lewis. I'm Dr. Ketura Stevens." I say looking at her trying to my best to be persistent; I was not going to be late because a desk clerk wouldn't give me anything more than the time of day.

The woman looked up, her eyes fixed on me standing there in front of her. She stood there wide-eyed, mouth hanging open, as if she was seeing something she couldn't believe. I got the feeling from her that she was shocked. "I'll let her know that you are here Dr. Stevens." I hear her stammer before she scampered away from the admit desk.

"Thank you." I say now looking around the ER. The place didn't seem too bad. There were patients everywhere and nurses seemed to be scrambling. There was a group of what I thought had to be fresh med. students. Dr. Weaver had informed her that this was indeed a teaching hospital and that I would be teaching the med. students as well as working as an attending physician. I was looking forward to the challenge of doing both.

"Excuse me," a voice said from behind me, "Dr. Stevens?"

"Yes that's me," I replied turning to look at the doctor who was standing there behind me.

"Susan Lewis." She said introducing herself as she held her hand out. I got the same eerie feeling from her that she was seeing something that she couldn't believe.

"Ketura Stevens." I said shaking Dr. Lewis' hand, "thank you for taking the time to speak with me."

"My pleasure, I am just so sorry that I won't have much time to talk to you. As you can see we are extremely swamped here at this time and I can't be away for long."

I nodded now, "understandable, I can see that you could use another set of hands around here."

"Well I hope that is why you are here."

"Of course Dr. Lewis, let me assure you that I wouldn't be wasting your time if I didn't have a strong interest in working at County." I say trying to put her at ease that I was here because I wanted to be not because I had to be.

"This place can be hectic." She said looking at me rather oddly. There was an expression on her face, on that I had not seen before on anyone's face, like I was some kind of natural phenomenon that had just appeared out of nowhere.

"It can't be any worse than what I am used to. Did Dr. Weaver happen to share my resume with you?" I asked her trying to get this chilling feeling to leave my body.

"Yes she did." Susan said. "It was very impressive. I can't understand why someone with your talents would want to come to County when private practice is so much more lucrative."

I decided it was best to be up front with her, "I want to work where I am needed. You need a doctor and that is just what I happen to be."

"That's it. You're hired! Susan exclaimed, smiling at the me now.

"Really?" I was shocked. Surely, Dr. Lewis had to be joking.

"No you want to work here. You have a point we need doctors and that's what you are. Do you feel like helping out this afternoon? I can show you around and introduce you to people. Then we can go upstairs and you can meet Dr. Weaver and we will get the rest of the paperwork worked out."

I was flabbergasted that she would offer the job just like that. Don't get me wrong, I had an impressive resume and had high recommendations from the staff that I had worked with in Huston. There was something about County that was calling me. "Sure that sounds good to me."

"Then let's get started." Susan tilted her head, still in shock that someone would volunteer willingly to work at County. "You remind me of someone but I can't put my finger on it. Have you been in Chicago before?"

"No," I replied, "this is my first time in Chicago. I have only lived in here for a few weeks. I grew up on the West Coast."

"You look so familiar me to me, do you have family here." Susan said to her trying to put her finger on why this young doctor was so familiar to her.

"No, I don't." I said sighing, "My mother is in Washington, and my father well he died before I was born. I don't have any family other than my mother."

"That's odd." She said to me.

"Why is that odd, Dr. Lewis?" I asked running her hand through her hair.

It dawned on Susan where she had seen that face before. She looked just like Carter. She had the same baby face, dark hair, and the deep brown eyes. Susan was looking at the female version of Carter. "You have an unbelievable resemblance to our chief resident.

"You must be imagining things Dr. Lewis, I hate to say that to you since we have just met, but I don't have family here." I said looking at her intensely.

Susan just shook her head. "Well let's get started." Susan started walking back into the main ER. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was another Carter walking around with her. She desperately needed the hands right now and if she was some relation of Carter's there was no reason that she still couldn't work here.

I followed her as Susan started to show me around. They approached the Nurses Station and I saw the woman who had helped me find Dr. Lewis earlier.

"This is Abby Lockhart; she's one of the best nurses we have. She is our Nurse Manager. If you need anything I am sure that she will be able to help you." Susan said, "Abby this is Dr. Ketura Stevens, she's the new attending that I just hired." Susan was beaming from ear to ear so proud that she had gotten to make an administrative decision without Dr. Weaver's permission.

"Nice to meet you again," Abby said giving her another odd look. Abby suddenly felt the urgent need to go find Carter.

"It's a pleasure to meet you again Abby." I said extending her hand, "why do I get the feeling that you are thinking the same thing Dr. Lewis was when I met her."

"And what that might be?" Abby said giving me a puzzled look as she shook my hand.

"That I share a remarkable resemblance to your Chief Resident." I said as I was getting uncomfortable with all the stares that I was getting now not only from Abby but also from the rest of the ER staff that were standing around the admit desk.

"That you do." Abby said nodding her head. "I wasn't aware that Dr. Carter had any relatives in medicine."

"I don't have any relatives in Chicago." I said looking at all of them. "I'm from the Northwest and I'm an only child." I didn't know why she had to keep reminding them of that fact.

_What I didn't find out until later was that after Abby had run off from the admit desk she had gone in search of Carter. She didn't know what to make of me, but she knew that she needed to either warn him that there was a woman running around the ER that looked like him, or that his sister, which they thought I all was, was loose in the ER. _

Abby was floored at the resemblance. She excused her self from the group and went off to find Carter. She couldn't believe what she was seeing or how she was seeing it. Something just was out of place here now. Where did she come from and how did she look just like John? Carter was in the suture room at the end of the hall. He didn't know that Susan was showing a new doctor around. He looked up when Abby came into the room. He could tell by her facial expression that something was up.

"Hey there, what is it?"

"Carter, isn't your sister in Paris?" Abby asked.

"Yeah why?" He replied as he continued to suture the hand lac in front of him.

"Because I could swear that she was standing out at the admit desk. Barbara is your only sister, right?" Abby said trying to stay calm.

"Yeah there's just Barbara and I. Abby what is wrong?"

"No really, there's a new doctor out there that Susan is showing around as the new attending here and well John, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she's your twin. You wouldn't believe how much she looks like you. You have to see this Carter." Abby said pointing towards admit.

John just laughed, "I think that you are seeing things Abby. Although you know what they say everyone has a twin running around."

"I'm really serious John. You have to see this." Abby said slowly, nodding her head as she emphasized every word.

"I know you are." He said to casually to her, "but really I don't have a twin and there's no one else in my family who is in medicine. They are not thrilled that I am in medicine, there's no way that anyone else would have tried it."

"The resemblance is clearly there John. I know that sounds weird but she looks just like you, only the female version." She said.

"It's just a coincidence Abby. There's no other explanation for it other than you are seeing things that aren't there," Carter replied.

"If you say so," Abby said looking at giving him a look that she really wished he would believe her, "but it's still weird. You need to see this yourself John."

"I need to finish with this patient." Carter said looking at Abby.

"Sure whatever Carter, I am sure that she isn't going anywhere since Susan just hired her as the new attending," She said walking out letting the door slam behind her. Carter's whole attitude about this would change once he saw her for himself.

_I made her way around the ER. It was not quite, how I pictured my first shift going, but then I didn't expect to be thrown headfirst into an unfamiliar environment. The nurses were helpful, being extremely considerate to me. Yet they still kept looking with odd glances and mumbling to each other about how much I reminded them of Dr. Carter, whoever this doctor was. I hadn't been introduced to anyone by that name yet, but I was sure that I would eventually run into him. I carried my fair share of the patients helping to clear the board, once I got the hang of things. As things settled down Dr. Lewis invited me to go to the coffee stand with her and I happily took her up on the offer. As they walked outside I lit up a cigarette._

"Oh I didn't know that you smoked." Susan said I could feel her eyes watching me now.

"Yeah I know it's a terrible habit, and as a doctor I should know better. I don't know why, really but I picked it up about three years ago. I think I started on Valentine's Day for some odd reason that night I was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety and well the habit started. That's the same time that I started having trouble with my back." I said looking at Susan, as I ran my hand through her hair. "I guess it all kind of just goes hand in hand. I mean surely, there are worse habits I could have picked up. I'm rather glad my only two vices are coffee and nicotine."

"Yeah, it's not like you had any kind of drug addiction or something," Susan said looking at me as if to see what my reaction was going to be.

"No that was a habit that I was able to avoid. They put me on percocet for my back when it started bugging me. For some reason every time I took it I ended up sick to my stomach and it wouldn't stay down. So I guess in a way that's a blessing."

"You could say that. So you said you're not from here."

"Yeah I grew up on the West Coast. In a small town and it really was in the middle of nowhere. I don't know why my mother decided that is where she wanted to live. It wasn't like she had any family there."

"You don't have any brother's or sisters?" Susan seemed to be prodding me now for information about my family.

"No!" I was now very flustered and I fought hard not to scream. "I was an only child. My dad died before I was born and my mom never remarried. She told me that she and dad lived in this area for a while. She was a nurse at a hospital but after dad died she said that she went out west to start a new life with me in tow."

I watch Abby came out side now and I assumed that she was on her break for a cigarette and sat down next to where Susan and I were talking.

"Thanks for your help today Abby, just know that I really appreciate it." I said glancing towards Abby, "it was a bit overwhelming in there not knowing where things were at today."

"I'm just glad I could help." Abby said as I watched her lighting her cigarette, "so you're new to Chicago?"

"I am. I just moved here last week." I was now gritting my teeth.

"You should come out with John and I, we could show you around the town." Abby said.

"Oh I couldn't impose on you like that." I responded.

"No big deal." Abby said with a flick of her wrist.

"If you are sure, I wouldn't want to impose really."

"Oh yes, I am so sure." Abby said looking now at me, "besides it would be fun."

"I'd like that Abby," I replied as an ambulance came flying into the bay, "guess that's my cue to get back to work."

I got up and ran over to the ambulance, moving instep with the gurney. As I listened to the report the medics were giving as she walked into trauma one. I then listened to the patient's chest, "Lydia I am going to need another doctor in here." I said when I realized that I was going to need another set of hands if I was to save this patient.

"I'll get one." Lydia replied as she stepped out.

"Dr. Carter we need you in here now." Lydia called out as she ducked back into the room

"What do we have?" I hear a voice ask as he walked into the trauma room pulling on the gown.

I didn't look up from putting in the chest tube. "21 year old male found down in the park, unresponsive after 2 rounds of epi." I said as she slid the chest tube into place. "GSW to the right chest, found both an entrance and exit wound," I continued working on my patient not wanting to divert my attention from my efforts. "Resuming CPR," I said as I climbed up next to the patient and I started compressions again. "Push another amp of epi."

Carter realized that he didn't know the other doctor who was working on the patient, her voice wasn't familiar and he hadn't seen her face. She hadn't looked up once from what she was doing, totally focused on her patient.

"Charge the paddles to 300." Carter called out.

When I heard him call clear, I slipped off the gurney not wanting a little extra jolt in my day. I glanced up at the monitor, "he's still in V-fib, another amp of epi and push 3 mig of lidocaine." I started compressions again; for I knew this routine well, CPR, drugs, shock.

"Charge to 360." Carter said. He shocked the patient, still no change. He went once more time before watching the patient's rhythm decline into asystole. Carter then made the call there was nothing that they could do for him, "that's it, time of death 14:16."

I looked up from what I was doing. He had his back to me. "And who do you think you are calling my patient."

Carter spun around to look at me, "I'm the Chief Resident."

I looked him, eyes wide, his face; it was almost as if I was looking in the mirror. Slowly I found my train of thought and continued, mesmerized by what I was looking at, "well then I guess I have just met the great Doctor Carter, but I am an attending at this hospital and I don't appreciate someone else stepping in and calling my patients."

Carter looked at me, "what there was nothing else that you could have done for him, the kid was dead."

"I prefer to be the judge of that myself Dr. Carter. I didn't spend 4 years in med. school, 4 years of residency and 2 years specializing in emergency medicine to have some young hot shot doctor as chief resident telling me how to treat my patients." I barked all in one breathe.

Susan walked inside the trauma room, "I suggest you two take this outside. The patient's family is here and they don't need to hear the two of you standing over their son arguing."

I watch as we both nodded. With out looking at the doctor I snapped, "outside now." I was still upset over the fact that he called my patient, but there was more, I wanted to know about how I could be standing there practically looking at myself.

I walked outside, lit another cigarette and stared at him. I couldn't believe my eyes, looking at him, "Look I don't know who you are or who you think you are but you don't go calling my patients like that. When I am running a trauma, you help, not push you way into my cases. You know, I don't understand any of this, how you can look exactly like me." I said taking in a deep breath and started to pace. "It's like I am looking in the mirror, no wonder everyone was so freaked out when I got here and they've all been talking behind my back."

"Look I don't understand this anymore than you do." He said putting his hands up, "you have to be a relative somehow."

"Oh yeah that explains how we are so close in appearance if you were a woman people wouldn't be able to tell us apart." I said.

"I'm sure there is an answer to this."

"Carter, I'm an only child." I said pushing his hand away from her body, "I grew up far away from here. Do you have family in Washington State?"

"No I don't." I heard him say.

I got quite for a minute. I was trying to figure out how we could look so much alike. Suddenly like an eerie wind I could feel his confusion. There was nothing but silence between them before I blurted out. "No I don't know that either."

"I didn't say anything."

"Yes you did." I said looking at him, "I heard you. And I have no idea why we would be siblings."

"Ketura, where were you born?"

"That's an odd question Carter, I was born in Boston."

He looked at me, "Really. When, when is your birthday?"

"June 4th, 1970." I said looking at him with my hands now firmly on my hips.

"You're kidding right." He said quietly, as if I had to be joking with him.

"No I'm not, that's my birthday, and it's always been my birthday. I think I would know my own birthday after 32 years. If my mother hadn't lost my birth certificate in the move to Washington I could prove it to you, but she did."

"How have you gotten this far with out having one?" He asked me. God what was it with people prying into other people's personal lives around here.

"I don't know I just have." I said, "Mom always made sure that I had the right documentation I guess."

"I want you to come with me. Maybe Gamma would have some inclining as to why we would look so much like each other."

"I couldn't impose on your grandmother Carter." I said, "That's just not right."

"No that's it come on we are out of here anyway, I know I'm off and well you're coming with me. There's something going on here and I want to find out what it is."

I just looked at him with a puzzled expression on my face. "Let me at least finish my cigarette."

"When did you pick up that habit?"

"Like I told Susan, it must have been Valentine's day three years ago." I said rubbing my wrist, "I hurt my back, probably doing something stupid, and we still don't know what I did. With the insomnia, the anxiety and fear that I was feeling this was my comfort. I rode the pain out for about three months it came off and on, then in May another doctor suggested I try percocet, that didn't do anything but make me sick."

Carter reached for my back, touching on her tentatively where he was stabbed, "was it here?"

"Yeah Dr. Carter it was, how did you know?" I said with chills running up my spine.

"Because that's where I was stabbed that night." He said lifting up his scrub top showing me the scars.

"Oh god I'm sorry I didn't know." I said as I suddenly once again had that eerie feeling as I felt the pain that he was feeling remember that night. "But I didn't know really I didn't."

"No of course you didn't know." He said softly, "but I know that you felt it, just like you can feel the pain I feel right now."

"This is nuts." I said looking at him. "What are you trying to tell me Dr. Carter?"

"I think you're my sister, something is telling me that you are." Carter said looking at me.

"Now I know you're nuts. There is no way that I could be your sister."

"Nothing is impossible Ketura."

"I just met you less than a half hour ago and here you are telling me that you think you are my brother, no offense Dr. Carter but I think that you are jumping the gun. Honestly really I think that I would know if I had a brother, just like you would know if you had a sister." I said flicking my cigarette.

"Not if something happened when we were little."

"Well Dr Carter, I'm telling you, I don't have a brother and I the only thing that happened to me when I was growing up was my Dad dying before I was born. Besides if I was your sister why would I have been raised clear across the country?"

"I don't know Ketura, I don't know. But you can stop calling me Dr. Carter, Carter or John is fine. Just don't go anywhere," he said looking at me, "I'm going inside to get my keys and then we are going to my grandmother's house."

"All right," I said not knowing what he intended to prove to her, if there was anything to prove. But I got the feeling that this doctor could be stubborn when he wanted to be. This was a battle that I wasn't going to win arguing with him in the bay.

_I watched him walk back into the hospital as I sat down on the bench putting my hands up against my head. He was searching for answers that I honestly didn't know if there were answers to his questions. Something more than meets the eye was going on here, but I couldn't put her finger on it. Was he right? Could they really be siblings? Someone somewhere had the answers that they needed but who would know? I let out a sigh as she leaned back against the bench. Did mother know and not tell me after all these years? Her mother would know she would have the answers that I needed. How could I belong to another family? Was this why mother was so scared about me coming to back Chicago area? I needed answers now, probably as badly as he did. Here so far away from home I had bumped into a total stranger, yet this total stranger looked just like her. I thought about picking up her cell phone right there and then and calling mother, but I caught the glance of Carter walking out of the ambulance bay doors. He looked so determined and the stress of everything was showing on his face. _

"My jeep is parked right over here," Carter said.

I stood up and reluctantly started to follow him, "I don't know if we should be doing this, we are opening a can of worms, if there is anything that we are opening up."

"That's a risk that right now I am willing to take." He said not slowing his stride. I am hurrying to catch up with him; he seems to be in more of a hurry and has more urgency than I do.

"I don't know if I am thou." I said.

I watched him walk up to a black jeep as the headlights blinked indicating that he had turned off the car alarm. He stopped and turned to face me. I could see right into his big brown eyes. It was like looking right into his soul.

"There's nothing that we are going to find out that is our fault. Someone has the answers that we need to straighten this out Ketura and I am going to get to the bottom of it."

I met his eyes, "yes but those answers might just turn my world upside down. You have your family and I have mine. Granted it might have just been me and the woman who told me she was my mother, who I have never had a reason to doubt, being my mother. Yet here now I am face to face with someone who is the spitting image of myself, somewhere along the line, if we are indeed siblings a lie was told. I don't know if I am ready to have the entire world ripped out from under me. And what about you, can you handle having your world torn up?"

"Ketura," John said taking my hand into his as he tried to reassure me, "what ever this is, you aren't alone, I am going to be right there beside you going through it with you."

"I know that," I said trying to put up my best façade with him. "But still I have second thoughts about this can you really blame me. You are a total stranger that I just met and here you are asking me to trust you, telling me that I won't be alone. I don't know you."

"No, and I don't." He opened the door of the jeep for her, "but we need to find out either way. Someone lied to us and I want to find the missing pieces to the puzzle."

I climbed in the jeep, silence taking over me. I didn't know what to say or what to do. We rode out to the Carter family mansion in complete silence. Neither of them was fully sure of the other. Both were feeling out of place. We were able to sense the other's tension and apprehension.

"Don't worry." He said, "I promise that no one will bite."

"It's so big." I said as I gasped in awe of the home.

"Really it's nothing." Carter said as if he was feeling how uncomfortable I was, "Gamma will welcome you with open arms." He said trying once again trying to reassure me of the unknown, to make me see that we were doing the right thing.

_I glanced over now checking on my patient as I had started to tell her the story. She seemed to finally be relaxing, the pain not bothering her as much now as she was focused on my story telling skills that in all reality were a bit rusty but I would continue to humor the old woman and tell it to her for as long as she decided she was going to hold on._


	2. Chapter 2: You're in my head too

_**Chapter 2: You're in my head too**_

_The patient of mine has realized that I have stopped telling my story, she looks at me, urging me to go on with just her eyes nothing more she says no words to me. As I start to tell her more of that day._

_He led me, he had to I was still stunned or in shock on of the two, up the front stairs and into the house. Today he didn't even stop to knock on the front door. He had always been welcomed here and didn't see the point in having someone come to the door when he was just there to visit his grandmother. He knew where to look for her inside the house._

_I had never been inside a home so lovely and so big in all my life. My senses were overwhelmed with the grandness of the house. I could feel her chest tighten and each breath was just a little harder than the one before. My heart began to beat faster as my stomach started to knot. My nerves were shot over this entire thing. If John thought that he needed to prove something, I was going to let him. However, I had no idea what it was that he might be trying to prove. I didn't belong in this world. It was out of my league that was for sure. _

A painting caught my attention. As my gaze fell upon the picture, I immediately recognized the young man sitting on the horse as John. The facial features and the expression that was there upon on his face made it so clear that it was John. Even if I hadn't known John, who in all reality I didn't, anyone would have instantly known upon first glance that the young man upon the horse was he. The house was amazing and I didn't quite know what to make of all the grandeur that surrounded me. I couldn't speak, taken aback by the awe of it all; my chest still tight as the anxiety continued to build.

I followed John down the long hallway into what had to have been the threshold to a large open parlour area. On the other hand, perhaps a sitting area, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that each step took a great amount of effort. It was almost as if my shoes were full of cement. I wondered if he could feel my apprehension about the whole situation.

The great hall was filled with rich furnishing like what I had seen in the rest of the house, not that I had seen much of it. The room that they were now standing at the entrance of, however, didn't seem to be as cold as the hall that I had followed John through. Maybe because it was cosier than the others were and it didn't seem as splendid as the main hall had, but I was still in awe none the less. It was lighter in the room and it appeared more open than the dark, long hall. I was silent as she stood behind him.

_Carter could feel my uneasiness. It was radiating from as we walked. He hadn't had this kind of a connection with anyone before and it was a little overwhelming. A little overwhelming was an understatement. He didn't know what to make of all of this. He wasn't sure if he should make anything of it just yet. After all, how I could appear out of thin air at County and look just like him? That was something that he couldn't understand. Nevertheless, the logical side told him that there was an explanation for all of this. Things didn't just happen or did they? After all, what had happened to him and Lucy had just happened; there was no rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes events just unfolded to unfold. Humanity had no control over its destiny. _

_He knew that as he thought back to that fateful day in February that if he could have only saved Lucy then he wouldn't have been addicted to drugs. Then Lucy would have still been at County and Carter would have been an attending by now. _

_There was one thing in the entire equation that he couldn't change that had to do with me showing up at County. That was the passing of his mentor and his friend. Mark had been there and actually had really cared about those who he worked with. He might not have gotten along with Kerry all the time, and Dr. Weaver might have stabbed Mark in the back going after what she wanted, but in the end, Dr. Weaver was actually very good in running the ER. She had great management skills, but could also work in the trenches, keeping up and often surpassing those who she worked with. _

_The woman had ambition; he had to give her that and he wouldn't admit to anyone that he admired her. Carter and Dr. Weaver hadn't always gotten along the best at work and he did harbour some resentment against her for what had happened after his return from Atlanta. There was really no one to blame but himself for the ensuing addiction that followed his attack in the ER._

_Right now he had other things that he needed to worry about and at the top of his list was his desire and now deep-seeded need to find out what was going on with the young woman that was following him. He rested his hand on the frame of the door to the parlour. He needed to gather himself and his thoughts. He didn't have a plan as to how he was going to approach his grandmother with this, other than what he was doing now, and that was showing up unexpectedly with me. Carter fought to slow his breathing as he put his hand into mine offering me what reassurance he could. He wanted to take that step taking him further into the room, but the pause that was there felt like an eternity once again. _

I could feel his hand around mine and I could feel that he was as nervous about this as I was. However, I still couldn't tell if this is what I really should be doing. Nevertheless, they were here now and there didn't seem to be any turning back, not that I could have turned back if I had the strength. Something was drawing me into the room. Giving Carter's hand a tight squeeze, I felt a wave of calmness flow over me and I walked into the parlour with my hand in his.

I watched hanging back as Carter crossed the room. With his long legs it didn't take him long to be standing next to the chair that his grandmother was sitting in. He stopped next to her as I watched him lean down and kiss his grandmother on the cheek. I didn't need to be told that was his grandmother, the family resemblance was there. It might not have been as strong as one would have thought, but it was there.

I got the instant sense that John and his grandmother were close. I hadn't had a grandmother, or at least not one that I had the chance to meet. Living so far out away from everyone, I didn't get to see any of her mother's family before they passed. For some reason my mother had never talked about her father's family, no names were ever mentioned. I had never thought that odd before until now as I stood there watching Carter interacting with his Grandmother.

Something was very fishy about my family. I had never thought anything about the fact that I didn't know any thing about my family until now. I had accepted what mother had told me, I had no reason not to until now. I pulled my attention away from my thoughts and back to watching Carter and Mrs. Carter.

"Good afternoon Gamma." Carter said, looking at his grandmother with admiration in his eyes.

"Good afternoon John," She replied. "What brings you by today, I thought that you would surely be working at the hospital. Who is your friend hiding there behind you?"

"I'm off Gamma." John said, drawing in a deep breath. "My friend is a doctor at County now, and she is the reason that I am here."

I stepped ever so timidly out from behind John, so that Millicent could see me better. "Good afternoon ma'am," I said meekly as I extended my hand.

_Millicent Carter couldn't take her eyes off the young woman. The resemblance to her grandson floored her. She was silent as if lost in thought. No one in the room dared to speak, afraid of what might come next if words were spoken. She shook my hand. Hers were shaking, visions of that day so long ago flashing through her mind. The colour left her cheeks. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She never thought that the day would come when her granddaughter would be standing before her. _

In a small voice, one that could barely be heard, Millicent whispered, "Victoria."

"No Gamma, that's Ketura," Carter said, pointing out what he thought was painfully obvious.

"John, my dear boy, this is your sister," Millicent said, overjoyed that their bundle of joy that had missing for so long was finally back where she belonged.

John's mouth hung open. Shock and surprise attacked his senses. It took a few minutes for him to recover and regain the ability to form words.

_I am not an outsider staring in at them interacting between each other as family does, not wanting to say anything but yet to be a part of it. His reactions are what I thought they would be somewhat crossed between being completely shocked and in awe of his newfound treasure. The empathy that we feel between each other has seemed to magnified now that we are standing in the same room together, little emotions that one would not have thought anything of before are suddenly intensely in your face._

"Gamma, I don't understand. I can see that she does look a lot like me, but my sister?"

"John, yes, you had a twin sister that was born, but unfortunately she was taken from us, and we never found her. Your mother was so devastated that she asked, well begged us, not to speak of the child. We decided that it would be best for everyone if we did just that."

_I could tell Carter was still shocked. He looked at Gamma, and then his eyes caught mine. I watched as his eyes filled with tears. His family kept many secretes, but this was one affecting him, and it affected him deeply. He hadn't felt like this since Bobby died. He was happy that he had found me, or rather that I had found him. Still something about this didn't feel right to him. Maybe it was the fact that the family had kept this a secret not bothering to mention it to anyone. Something inside him told him that he had the right to know that he had a sister, but then he could also understand the pain that his mother had to have gone through when her baby went missing and was never found. Yet the main thought that was going through his head right now was, why didn't they tell him? Eleanor just happened to be in town staying with Millicent at the time. Her and Jack's divorce wasn't yet finalized and she was in town wrapping up some business and hopefully spending some time with John. She walked into the room._

"Here's your tea." She stopped dead in her tracks, as the only sound in the room was that of the teacup shattering on the floor.

I watched Eleanor tried to recompose herself. She rubbed her hands across her eyes, thinking that they were deceiving her. This couldn't be. "Victoria," she exclaimed. Joy filled her heart as she realized that she wasn't dreaming nor was she seeing things. Her long lost daughter was indeed standing there in the room with her.

I just looked at everyone in the room. This was a shock to me. "Why is everyone calling me Victoria?" I asked, pausing just long enough to let silence fill the room again. "My name is Ketura."

"I thought that I would never see you again," Eleanor said. She took a step forward towards her daughter.

"You have to be mistaken," I said, watching the woman walking closer to me. I instinctively took a step back.

Eleanor knew her daughter. She couldn't mistake that face. Her daughter had grown into a lovely young woman and she had missed so much of her life. "No," she said, speaking softly. "I know my own child even after all this time. You were taken from us shortly after you were born. We searched for you but we couldn't find you. We all feared the worst and thought that you would never be seen again. I never thought that you would show up here after all these years."

I looked at the woman standing there as I took another step back from everyone. "So what you are telling me is that my whole life has been a lie." I took a deep breath in. I find that I am desperately trying to take all this in and comprehend it, but there's just so much that isn't adding up to me. "And that the woman, who raised me, took care of me, nurtured me, really isn't who I thought she was."

Carter must have been able to tell that I was getting upset. I watched as he started to rub his temples feeling my confusion and my pain. "That's what she's trying to tell you. I know that it is hurting you to hear all of this," he said softly. Sensing me was getting to be a bit overwhelming for him. "I know you need time to take all of this in."

"Time, I need time?" I sputtered. "Time isn't what I need, John."

Carter rubbed his now pounding head. "You need something, and I need aspirin now."

"Sorry," I said to him. "This is just all so, well..." my voice faded as I searched for the words to finish my thought.

"Overwhelming, frightening, confusing," Carter said, finishing my sentence.

"Yes." I was not reassured by the calmness that I was reading off him.

"Take a deep breath before you make my head explode, Ketura."

"I need some kind of proof, John. And you're lucky that it's just your head that's going to explode." I gave him a look of frustration.

"What, just looking like me isn't enough? It's bad enough that you are in my head," Carter said, looking at me.

Millicent spoke up at that moment. "We can always do a DNA test. John, can't you do that at the hospital where you work?"

"I suppose that we could Gamma," John said. "But Ketura would need to agree to it before we did something like that."

I nodded at John. All I did was look at him. I knew that she didn't have to stay anything for him to know what I was feeling right now.

"Okay we'll do it," he said. "It might give you some of the proof that you think you need."

I looked up at him. He could feel the pain that was still there consuming me and haunting my eyes. I could feel it radiating from me no matter what I did and I knew that he was also getting the brunt of my swinging emotions.

"Well be back later Gamma, mother," Carter said as he ushered me out of the house.

_I stop telling my story again to check and make sure that my patient is still okay. Her eyes are still closed as she is listening to me rather intently. She seemed so happy right now that I was taking the time out of my day to just sit there and tell her a story, one that she had never heard before._


	3. Chapter 3: Trust me It's painless

_**Chapter Three: Trust me it's painless**_

_After making sure that my patient was doing all right and that she wanted me to continue I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes as I started the story again from where I had left off. It felt weird to have someone so interested in this part of my life._

I was silent in the car. I did not know what to think, how to act, or even what to do. Here sitting next to me driving the jeep was a brother that up until today I did not even know existed. It was all overwhelming to say the least. Nothing was the same any more, and nothing would ever be the same. I needed to come to terms with this and soon for everyone sake. I thought about getting on a plane and heading right back where she came from; to pretend that none of this had ever happened. Seeing how happy Eleanor Carter was to see me, made me realize that I would end up hurting more people if I got on that plane and left town.

"I'll give you a penny for your thoughts." I heard a voice say breaking the silence that she was collecting my thoughts.

"You wouldn't want to know them." I quietly replied.

"Sure I do." Carter said not taking his eyes off the road in front of them.

"Guess that I am not completely in your head then since you can't read all my thoughts." I said. That sounded like something one sibling would say to another. I can't help but smile a little at that.

"No, I can't read all your thoughts but I can feel what you're feeling now. I know that you are scared and overwhelmed."

"I was thinking about getting on a plane and running away from all of this." I said as my eyes were cast downward looking at the floor mat in the jeep rather than at John.

John let out a small chuckle. "You must be a Carter with that kind of thinking."

"It just might have been so much easier to have left rather than to delve into all of this. I don't know but I get this feeling that I am opening up Pandora's Box." I said now falling back into the nervous habit of rubbing my wrist with the events of today I was certain that I was going to rub it raw.

"I've heard the family compared to a lot of things," He said navigating the streets of Chicago, "but not that."

"I don't know what to say John." I replied, "This is just so overwhelming and confusing."

"I can understand that." Carter said, "but we'll get it all sorted out in the end."

"I know that we will, but please don't be upset with me for finding this all so hard to believe. A few hours ago, I was nothing more than a new doctor looking for work. I was no different from any other Joe out there. Here now I find myself being thrust into a world that I didn't know even existed except in novels and on TV." I wasn't trying to be cold or insensitive at that point, but this was something that you would see as a lifetime movie or movie of the week kind of thing, not something that happened to a small town girl.

"What do you mean by novels and television?"

"John, your home is huge. I have never even driven by anything that big. Let alone, the fact that I have never been inside something that large other than a hotel and that doesn't count because I think just about everyone has been inside a hotel. This isn't the life that I am used to far from it in fact. I feel as if I have been sucked up in some tissue grabbing movie of the week."

"It must seem so unreal to you then. I don't expect you to jump right into the roll of a Carter." He said pulling the car up to the ER. "Mom seemed extremely excited and happy to see you. I haven't seen my mother smile like that in years."

"How can a child be taken from a hospital?" I asked but yet I knew the answer to that one in my heart somewhere.

"It happens, it used to happen, but security is better than it was 32 years ago. I'm just sorry that it took so long for you to find your way back to us. I miss seeing my mother smile like that." He said as he continued to drive them along.

"And to think she might be devastated in a little while. What if I am not a member of your family and this really all is nothing more than coincidence? I don't think anyone has taken that into consideration yet."

"I don't think that anyone has, but once we get to the lab and have the tests done, we should have an answer in the next 24 hours." Carter said. "It's not just shocking for us but for them as well, I don't think they honestly expected you to show up again."

"Okay but Carter I hate needles. I don't mind poking and drawing blood from another person, but I hate to have it done on myself."

"You are a big chicken." Carter said laughing.

"Yes I am." I said rather proudly.

"Don't worry there are no needles involved. The process has evolved a little since then. As a doctor you should know that." Carter stated in a rather than fact tone.

"What can I say; I have never had to send anyone for DNA testing." I said shyly almost embarrassed that I didn't know much about it. There wasn't much of a need for it working in trauma situations.

"Relax would you. I am not judging you as a doctor based on what you know about DNA testing." He said smiling as he parked the jeep and turned the key off. "I was just trying to reassure you that it's painless."

"I know." I said smiling nervously.

Carter reached over and patted her hand. "Let's just go and get it done and then there will be one less thing that is weighing on our minds."

"I'd like to be able to believe that it would not be weighing on my mind as much, but I think that I will be worrying about it until the results are back and we can start to get all of this settled out. Come what may, we are all going to have a lot of adjusting to do."

"That we all we have to do." Carter said as they climbed out of the jeep and headed inside to find out if I was the missing member of their family.

_Again I find myself stopping as I remember all of it so clearly like it had happened yesterday rather than a few years ago. Some memories are meant to last longer than others, but I wanted her now to be able to hear the entire story. _


	4. Chapter 4: Homesick

_**Chapter 4 Homesick**_

_Looking back, telling this story to such a frail old woman made me see just how hard this had been on everyone, not just on me. Granted this is my story but the events that had taken place hadn't just affected me. They had affected my mother, the people from whom I might have been taken from too. As hard as it was for me to deal with all of it, it was equally difficult for them to deal with as well. I pause just long enough to look into the woman's eyes before going on again._

After the swab I had managed to convince Carter it was okay to let me go back to my apartment. I needed some space, some peace, and some quiet. This had all been too much for me. I put the kettle on the stove in my kitchen and stared into space out as I waited for the water to boil. My mind floated back to growing up with mom. Nothing seemed out of the normal for me. I knew many kids who had grown up with just one parent. Some of her friends either who had their dad not be a part of their lives or had a parent just walk out on them. It happened that my father was dead and I could not change it when I was growing up.

Now here in Chicago they were telling me something very different. That I had been taken from my parents as a baby had been taken from a family who loved me and wanted me. That was something that only happened in the movies, not in real life.

The kettle started to sing and I fixed my cup of tea. Hopefully, it would calm my shaken nerves. I sat down in my favorite chair and stared at the phone for a while. I picked up the receiver and dialed mother's number.

"Hello," I heard a voice on the other end of the line say.

"Hi mom." I answered back.

"How are you baby?" I heard mother ask.

"I'm fine mom, how are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm doing well. How do you like Chicago?"

"It's cold here mom, and the wind seems to blow a lot more than what I am used to. I am really starting to miss the warmth of Texas." I replied.

I heard my mom chuckle. "I had a feeling that you would after being in the south so long."

"I'm sure that I will adjust to the cold soon." I said to her.

"You will baby. It can't be any colder there than it used to get here when you were little." I heard my mom say.

"Yeah I am sure that you are right, it's just different than what I was expecting."

"Baby what's wrong?" She asked.

"Oh nothing mom, I'm just a little homesick that's all." I said hoping that she would not be able to tell that I was lying.

"I see sweetie. You've never gotten homesick before." She pointed out.

I had to laugh. "Little do you know there mom. I got homesick in Texas; I just didn't have the time to do anything about it, since I was always so busy with my residency."

"I know that, but now you can come home with out all that pressure that you will be missing something important." She said.

"Well I'd love to be able to come home mom, but I don't think that I can ask for a vacation after only being there for 24 hours." I replied.

"Well then maybe you might just have to come home later. You know that I miss you."

"I could always fly you out here mom. You could come and visit me for a change. When was the last time that you took a vacation?" I asked her.

"I could but you know that I hate to fly," was my mother's simple response.

"Then take the train or come by greyhound." I smarted back.

"Oh sure Ketura," She heard her sarcastically remark back, "Would you take a train or the bus to travel that far?"

"No but then I'm not the one who hates to fly mom." I replied back to her smiling at the thought of my mother getting on a plane.

"Well then you are just going to have to wait and come and see me when you get the chance." She said.

"I miss you mom." I find myself saying to her now.

"I miss you too baby girl." I heard her say softly.

"Don't worry I'll come back home for a visit soon." I said not knowing if I would. It all depended on what she found out in the next 24 hours.

"I know you will sweetheart." She said, "I'll talk to you later, I have to be getting to work, you're not the only one who a hospital needs."

"Yeah I know mom, drive save and I will talk to you again soon." I said to her.

"Be safe baby." I heard her mom say ending the phone conversation.

I sat there staring out the window, not being able to make heads or tails of the situation that I found herself now in. This was something that just was not going to go away. I had not asked mom about it when I talked to her, but then I did not know how to ask my mother something like that. I did not know where to start and coming out and saying, mom did you steal me as a baby, did not seem like something she wanted to say to her.

I watched the darkness settle over Chicago and the street lights start to become brighter. I just did not feel like moving anymore. After what felt like an eternity of going over everything in my head, I heard the clock strike 10. I decided that I had better go in and try to get some sleep, not that I was going to be able to, but it beat sitting in the chair all night and waking up with some funny kink in my neck.


	5. Chapter 5: Holes in the floor, headed we...

**_Chapter 5 Holes in the floor, headed west_**

_As I kept telling her the story, which really seemed at times unbelievable even to me and I was the one it had happened to. I find myself softly stroking her hand. Knowing that there in all likelihood she's not going to make it to the end. But I keep going on knowing that it's my voice that is keeping her company and relaxed. I am the one person right now who is keeping her from feeling alone. _

_Carter paced back and forth across the floor. He was waiting for that call letting them know that they had the test results. He had worked that morning. The day had flow by fast with nothing major just a lot of minor cases, which needed to be taken care of. He had stitch up a laceration that a man had given himself while trying to use an electric carving knife. The guy was lucky that he had not taken off his entire hand with the damn thing. John had not seen me at the hospital that day. He did not know why I had not been there; neither Kerry nor Susan had said anything to him about me not showing up for work. Maybe I was not scheduled to work today. Carter did not want to be nosy, but after we had parted last night he had been worried about me, and he hoped that I had not gotten on the first plane that headed west._

He thought that maybe he should have tried to find out where she was living, go over there, and check on her. He did not think that she would have appreciated him doing that though. So here, he was standing in the living room wearing a hole in his grandmother's Persian rug.

"John sit down please." Millicent said to her grandson.

Carter listened to her and sat in the chair next to his grandmother. His feet however didn't want to listen as his leg bounced up and down.

"Between you and your mother I don't think that I will have any carpet left in this house. She is just as nervous as you are about this." She said.

"Gamma, how can I not be nervous about this, she might be my sister?" He said.

"Whatever comes of this is going to come whether you are pacing back and forth or doing something productive with your time." She said patting her grandson's hand. "I finally sent your mother out shopping because she was driving me crazy with all her pacing. Here you have worked at the hospital all day and you're pacing my floors like you have nothing else to do."

"But I don't Gamma." Carter said looking up at her.

"Surely you could be spending time with Abby, take the woman out to a movie or to dinner. There are lots of things a young couple could be doing." Gamma said to him.

"What if they call with the results and I'm not here?"

"I know how to answer a phone John, and I also know how to use one. You never go anywhere with out your cell phone." She said smiling at him.

"I know Gamma." He couldn't settle his nerves now, something more than just this was going on but he was still trying to deal with all the uncertainty about this reading his sister's feeling was easier when she was right there.

"Well then go, you don't think that I is pacing her floors now do you?"

"No, but then I have no idea where she even is. She was not working today and I have not talked to her since yesterday when we left the hospital. I didn't think that she should spend the night at home alone, but she insisted that she needed some time to settle down. I shouldn't have left her alone; she probably caught the first plane west."

"John, it's not like someone has died." Gamma said to him, "of course she needed some down time with out anyone hovering over her. She had a lot that she needed to digest. I am sure that she is just fine with out you being there. No get out of here, go take Abby out on the town. I will call you if anything comes about."

"All right I'll go Gamma." Carter said standing up. "But you have to promise to call me if you hear anything."

"I will son." She said pushing Carter to go.

Carter headed out of the house, climbed into the jeep and headed off to find Abby. He did not want to go, but Gamma was right, he did need to get out for a little bit and who better to spend time with then Abby.

Meanwhile back at my apartment, I sat snuggled under a warm quilt. Tears still lined my face. The phone call that I had gotten that morning had broken my heart. My bags were packed and I was ready to catch the first flight back home. The first one that I could get was early the following morning. I had called Susan and explained what had happened. Susan was more than understanding and said that I still had my job when she got back in a couple of weeks.

I was definitely not ready for this, but then how could anyone be ready for something like this to happen especially when they were several states away. My mother had been my world. Now in the middle of everything this happened. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes again. I was going to have to pull myself together long enough to be in public to catch the flight and get home, then and only then could I break down again if I needed to. I hated to cry when people could see me.

I heard my phone ring; I reached over to answer it. "Hello." I said as I ran her hand across my eyes.

"How are you holding up?" It was Susan.

"I'm doing okay." I said, "I just wanted to thank you once more for giving me the time off and still having a job for me when I get back."

"It's the least I could do." Susan said. "If there is anything that I can do for you, give you a ride to the airport in the morning, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks Susan, I appreciate that. My flight leaves at 6 am. I'd hate to ask you to take me that early in the morning when I could just catch a cab."

"Don't be silly. That is fine; I can drop you off and then still have time to get to work. Carter was asking about you today." She said.

"You didn't tell him anything did you?" I asked.

"No, Kerry and I didn't say anything to him about any of this. We thought it best if you told him if you wanted him to know." Susan said to me.

"Thanks I appreciate that. I will find the time to call him here shortly. I do not want him to think that I just turned tail and run, even though leaving is the last thing I thought that I would be doing right now, especially with a new job." I said.

"Look family emergencies come up. We all have them. I explained everything to Kerry and she understands too."

"I'm glad." I said, "It's nice to know that I am going to be working at a hospital with such an understanding staff."

"Is there anything else that you need?" Susan asked.

"Not that I can think of right now Susan." I replied between sniffles.

"Okay I will pick you up about four thirty then so that we can get you out there with a little bit of time to spare."

"That sounds good, thanks."

"Not a problem. I'll see you in the morning." Susan said.

"See you then." I said as she returned the phone to the cradle. I sat there in the silence still staring out the window, the box of Kleenex tucked safely in my lap. I did not know if I would be able to sleep at all that night or not. I also knew that I should probably call John but I closed her eyes and let the fatigue of the day take a hold and soon I was fast asleep.

_I found myself breaking from telling the story again so that I could check on my patient again. For everything she was going thru right now she seemed to be holding on very well. I adjusted the flow of her oxygen and checked her IV bags one again. There was still that small hint of a smile across her old tired face. At least I was making a patient of mine happy._


	6. Chapter 6: What's so funny about the fun...

**_Chapter 6 what's so funny about the funny bone._**

_The look upon my patients face was enough motivation for me to keep telling the story to her. I had talked this over several times with John and with others. _

_There was something about the events that change our lives forever that take more to get over than the other things that happen to us. And while I was facing the possibility that this woman wasn't my mother, I couldn't just instantly cut the ties that had bound me to her for the last 32 years of my life. In my eyes she was my mother, she had been the one that had been pushing me to accomplish my dreams, she was more than just my mother, she was my cheerleader, my mentor, the one who believed in me when I couldn't find the strength to believe in myself._  
  
Susan arrived at my apartment at 4:30 just as she said she would. She scurried up the stairs to her second story apartment. Susan knocked on the door a couple of times before she could hear voices from inside the apartment.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I screamed as I stumbled over her bags trying to get to the door. I went crashing foot looped in one of the straps for my carryon. I had hit her funny bone of the end table when I tumbled from being caught in the bag. I pulled the door open to come face to face with Susan. "Come in please Susan it's got to be cold out there."

"Thanks you okay?" Susan said a little worried with the words that were coming from the apartment when the door was closed. "Those aren't the words of someone who's having a good day."

"Yeah well I just tripped over my bags. I must have fallen asleep in my chair last night and didn't hear the alarm clock go off a half hour ago." I said rubbing my eyes and then massaged my banged up elbow. "There's nothing funny about hitting your funny bone, whose ironic idea was it to call it a funny bone. It's never made me laugh."

"Don't look at me for an answer to that one. It had to have been a man that named it, half the stuff they name doesn't make any sense anyway. There's a coffee stand that we can stop at on the way there and get you some java to jump start you." Susan said. "That always helps me in the morning. Might make your day a little better, although I doubt anything will make it okay. Do you have a long flight?"

"Caffeine would be perfect and no it's not that long of a flight should only take about 4 maybe 5 hours to get there if I don't have any delays." I said back to her, "thanks for coming and getting me. I just have to find my shoes and we can go."

"Is that them sitting right there?" Susan asked pointing under my favorite chair.

"Yeah that's them." I grabbed her shoes and threw them onto my feet. I then double-checked and made sure that all the lights were off except for the ones that I had on timers for while I was gone and working nights. I put her coat over my shoulders picked up my keys and turned back to Susan, "okay I think that I am ready let's roll. I would hate to miss my flight after having to work so hard to get one there to begin with. Who would have thought it would be so hard to get a last minute flight from Chicago to Spokane."

Susan headed with me back down to her car. We climbed in and Susan started to head out to midway for my flight. "Not me," Susan said as she negotiated the streets and found a java stand for us. "But then I don't fly. I hate to fly. I once planned this trip to Hawaii and got as far as Phoenix before the flight attendants had to haul me off the plane. My vacation wasn't ruined I spent time with my sister and niece but I took the train back."

"My mother hated to fly too, she always said that if I wanted to come and visit I could get on a plane and do it, she wouldn't come and see me." I started to softly cry again, "I should have done it sooner. I thought about going home between Texas and the interview but I didn't do it. I haven't been home in a long time. I think I saw her around Easter or Mother's day."

There was silence in the car again as we went thru the drive thru coffee stand and soon with coffee for each of them, and we were headed once again for Midway.

"So did you talk to Carter last night?" Susan asked.

"No, I didn't." I said back.

"He's going to be worried about you." Susan told me.

"I think that he can live for a few days with out seeing me." I said rather shortly.

"Carter just really cares about people. He's worried about how you are handling the stress of all this." Susan said pulling onto the freeway.

"I know it's stressful enough without having this come on. I didn't expect it and it's all just too shocking and hard to absorb at once." I said.

"He was asking about you yesterday though, he seemed extremely concerned when you were not there for work. I think he will be biting at the bit before you get back home in a few days. Won't you be staying there for close to a week?" Susan asked.

I fought the tears back, "no I don't think so, and I just have a few things to settle up with her few belongings. When I moved out several years ago, she sold the house and moved into a smaller apartment. She figured she didn't need the room. I know he'll be worried but I have to take care of this first and then I will be back to deal with the Carter's. It's not like I am staying there permanently or anything."

"Oh honey I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this yourself especially since you don't have any family back there to help you out." Susan said.

"I'll be okay. That is why I am only going to be gone for a few days. There is a lot of it that I do not want to deal with. But there are a few people who have willingly agreed and volunteered to help so that I don't have to stay there so long." I said to Susan as I watched us fly along the Kennedy towards Midway.

"Do you want me to talk to Carter for you? If not to at least let him know that you are okay?" Susan asked.

"I suppose that would be okay." I said looking longingly out the window. "That way he doesn't think that I ran out on him. I'm sorry Susan but right now Carter's feeling don't matter that much to me."

"I understand," Susan said as she negotiated the car up to where she could drop me off for the flight. "Is this the right carrier for your flight?"

"Yes it is Susan. Thanks for the coffee and for dropping me off." I said gathering up her bags. "I will see you in a few days."

Susan watched as I hurried inside the airport to catch her flight. As soon as she disappeared inside the sliding doors, Susan started to head back towards County to start what was yet to be another grueling day.


	7. Chapter 7: Small town Talk

_**Chapter 7: Small town talk**_

_Getting on the plane was one of the hardest things I had done. I look down at my patient again, she's starting to tire, and you can see it when you look at her now. But there was something about the way that she was looking at me that drew me to keep going telling the story until she gave up. That was the least that I could do for her right now._

I got off the plane when it landed at Spokane International Airport. Really after all this time she couldn't understand why they called it an international airport, there were no international flights that left from Spokane. She chuckled to herself as she walked to the rental car counter. Here she was back in small town USA.

It didn't take me long to get a car and be headed out of the airport and down Sunset hill headed for I-90 to catch the only freeway in the area. I navigated onto the freeway and drove along the three lane freeway headed for Idaho. It took me about 20 minutes to get from where I got on the freeway to where I needed to get off, I crossed town and was on a small two lane highway flying past farm houses and fields.

I remembered traveling down this road like it was yesterday, snow covered everything at least the road had been plowed and it wasn't overly icy. I pulled up a long driveway to a set of small apartments pulling my keys from my purse as I walked up the door. I stood there for a minute unsure of whether I really wanted to do this or not.

"Ketura?" I heard a voice calling from behind me.

I turned to see a familiar face standing behind me, "oh Mrs. Johnson, you startled me."

"Oh I'm sorry honey." She said reaching out to touch my shoulder, "I'm so sorry about your mama. She was such a good woman."

I nodded as I unlocked the door and started to move inside, "come in out of the cold please." I motioned for the older woman to follow. "It's freezing out here. Has anyone else been by?"

"Mrs. Kramer came by a day ago, said she had talked to you about packing up some of your mama's things for you. She also took her good Sunday dress down to the funeral home so that you wouldn't have to worry about it." Mrs. Johnson put her arm around me hugging me tight. "We just thought we'd make things as easy as we could for you darling, we know that you just started that new job in Chicago, your mama was so proud of you for that. She talked for hours about her baby being a really good doctor. You were always a bright child."

"Thank you Mrs. Johnson, I really do appreciate all of this, I really do." I pulled back from her. I looked around the house. Has Daniel or Darla been by?"

"No honey I haven't seen them, I don't think anyone has. Daniel took your mama's passing really hard." There were tears in my eyes now as I looked up at Mrs. Johnson.

"I had a feeling he would; he only dated mama for what 10 years." I said, "I wish he was here though," I paused as I sat down on my mama's couch, "some of this he should have. They might not have lived together, but I know he spent a lot of time over here. I don't know what's his and what's hers, or even what of this he might want to remember her with."

"You don't need to be fretting about that right now." Mrs. Johnson said as she moved into the kitchen and put on the kettle. "We'll have some tea, the ladies from the quilting circle made sure that there was some food here for you while you stayed. There's enough in their of course for a small army but you know them they needed to stay busy."

I just nodded as I moved from the little living room over to the island where I sat watching Mrs. Johnson in the kitchen. There was a photo album sitting on the island and I couldn't help but flip it open to see which one of mother's many albums it was.

I found my voice wavering as I flipped the pages, "she loved to take pictures of all my events, no matter how big or small they were. Who takes pictures of their daughter coming out of her first big trauma?" My mother wanted to surprise me with lunch at the hospital that day and just happen to catch me as I came out of a trauma room covered in blood. I looked at the picture, remembering what I had been doing, in the picture I had a big adrenaline rush smile on her face.

Mrs. Johnson looked at the picture that I was looking at as she pointed to the next one, "a mother, who can hug her daughter looking like that, is a mother who can take pictures of that kind of thing. But your mother was a good nurse and it doesn't surprise me at all that you are such a good doctor, really when you set your mind to something you had her stubborn will and had to see it thru, usually out doing everyone to get there." I heard her laugh, "I remember when you started high school, Coach Browery told you that you couldn't play on his football team, your mama told you that you could do whatever you wanted, and that included playing football. So old Coach bowed down to your mom, let you try out. But you had to try out against the varsity team. He thought it might get you to back down and not want to play. He didn't realize just how stubborn you really were; you fought those big guys taking Bobby McDonald, the starting quarterback down in the first 10 minutes of practice."

"Yeah and then they still wouldn't let me play on the team cause after that all the guys were scared of me." I laughed. "Look at me now; I'm still out there trying to play with the boys."

"We're all proud of you honey, every last person in this town has nothing bad to say about you or you mama. You've worked hard to get to where you are, and she's gonna be smiling down on you for the rest of your life, god rest her soul."

"I know she is Mrs. Johnson." I said softly wiping the tears from under my eyes.

Mrs. Johnson fixed me a cup of tea before heading for the door, "you know where I am if you need anything honey. You get some sleep, I'm sure you will have lots of visitors over the next day or two."

I looked up, "thank you." I said to the figure retreating from the door. I might have been strong and motivated but with everything between here and Chicago, I had never felt so alone in my life.

_Chicago the next day..........._

_Carter hadn't heard from me in several days now and was starting to get worried about me. Okay so it had only been three days but he was still worried. He was now standing at the admit desk looking over the schedule, I wasn't on it for two more days. He glanced up as Susan came walking into the ER._

"Susan, what's up have you heard from Ketura." He said not hiding the concern in his voice.

"Good morning to you too Carter," Susan said as she headed for the lounge to put her stuff in her locker, 'come with me and we can talk."

Carter left the admit desk and followed Susan into the lounge. He watched her as she started to put away her things and pull out her lab coat and stethoscope. "So what's up?"

"She had something that she needed to take care of Carter; it has nothing to do with you or what's been going on here." Susan said not sure just how far into this she should go with him.

"What kind of stuff could pull her away from Chicago with out saying a word to me?" He asked Susan rather bluntly.

"She had a family emergency and had to leave rather suddenly Carter, she didn't plan on taking off with out telling you but she needed to go and rather fast." Susan said looking at him, "hey don't take it personally okay."

"Yeah don't take it personally." Carter hung his head a little, "I find out that this woman is my little sister and before I get a chance to say anything to her, she disappears again with out a trace."

Susan sighed, "No Carter, she didn't disappear with out a trace, I know where she is and what she's doing. I would have said something to you yesterday but I didn't see you. Her mother died. Well the woman she thought all this time was her mother died. Even if she was your little sister and that woman wasn't her mother, you just can't cut ties like that and not have this hurt."

Carter was almost speechless. "Why didn't she say anything to me? I would have gone with her, she's out there all alone."

"And how would she explain you to everyone back home?" Susan said looking at him, "dragging you back home would have complicated everything in a time when things are already difficult for her enough."

Jerry poked his head into the lounge, "Dr. Lewis you have a phone call on line 2."

"Thanks Jerry." Susan walked over to the phone, "just give her time to work thru this she'll be back in a couple of days." Susan picked up the phone from the wall hitting the button for line 2. "Dr. Lewis."

"Susan," I was fighting back the tears, my mother's service had wrapped up earlier in the morning and I had just finished packing up the car.

Susan lowered her voice, "you okay?"

"Uh yeah, I'm holding up okay." I said into the phone, "I wanted to let you know I'm going to be a day or two longer than what I thought I would be."

"Something happen?" Susan asked.

"Uh no, I have mama's car now and I need to drive it back to Chicago, I figured it was easier to just drive it back myself with everything that I am bringing back anyway." I said into the phone.

"Drive safe and we will see you in a few days. Call me when you get back so that I know you made it safe okay?"

"Yeah I will," I said into the phone. "I need to get going I want to make good time before it gets dark."

"See you soon." Susan said hanging up the phone. Before turning to John, "she's on her way back now. She should be here in a couple of days."

Carter sighed a little bit thinking of how he was going to tell her when she got back. "Is she okay?"

"As okay as she can be right now Carter. Don't worry she'll be back in Chicago before you know it. Now go and save the world take your mind of her."

Carter walked out of the lounge and headed to work, maybe it would make the time fly faster if he had other things that he needed to concentrate on rather than her.


	8. Chapter 8: Cross Country, Road Trip

_**A/N: Sorry that it has taken me so long to update this story, I got swamped under life again. But here's another chapter please read and review, love the reviews! Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review so far. **_

_**Chapter 8: Cross County, Road trip**_

_There was something about the way that this woman was listening so intently to me that I had this feeling that she might have been more than just an ordinary patient, but I didn't recognize her. She could have been in before and I that's where the feeling was coming from. I pulled the blanket up around her a little more making sure that she was still as comfortable as I could make her. Knowing that her time left here with us was limited at best. After I did that I continued on with the story, not wanting to keep her hanging anymore._

The trip from Spokane to Chicago would take about 27 hours so a little over a day if I drove straight thru which was not in my plans. I'd drive as long as I could and sleep. I told Susan a day or two longer, which gave me a little over three days to get home, four if I took her up on the two days longer.

Almost 575 miles and 8 hours later I pulled into Billings Montana for the night. I was in desperate need of some sleep and a chance to eat. I found something to eat and checked into a motel. Granted it appeared that I was going to be eating greasy truck stop food at the rate that I was going the entire time from Spokane to Chicago, but I was sure that in the end it would be worth it. Somehow in the back of my mind I honestly thought about calling Carter but changed mind before I was able to pick up the phone and make that mistake. I'd be in Chicago soon enough and I could talk to him then. There wasn't must that could be said with me so far from home that couldn't be said when I got there in two days.

The next morning I hit the road again. It took me a little over 12 hours to get to Saint Paul. I had stopped in Bismarck for lunch which was about half way to Saint Paul. I was tired when I finally stretched out in yet another motel room for the night. Right now I was thinking that this was indeed a bad idea, that pushing to get thru so many miles in as few of days possible was not one of my brighter ideas. The country side wasn't really being seen by me as I had to focus on making sure that I didn't get lost. Not that I would have gotten lost there weren't that many places that I could go, but yet I didn't want to end up on the wrong road and end up in the middle of Nowhere USA.

Now here I found myself on my third day on the road and it took me from Saint Paul down along I-94 towards Madison. From Madison I drove down I-39 to Rockford where she found herself back on I-90 again headed for Chicago. I'm still wondering why the hell I didn't take 1-90 straight across but these were the directions that I had been given to get from Spokane to Chicago and since they were written and it's not like I had a map that I could follow I decided that I had better stick to what was written. For all I knew there was a black hole on I-90 that would have sucked me up and that would have been the end of it. 1800 miles later I was back home in Chicago, in an odd way it felt good to be home again. I had missed my small apartment and now had some of my mother's belongings to have to remember her by. Granted it wasn't much but I wanted to keep the photographs.

I still had no idea if I was Carter's sister or not but the outcome of that wasn't going to change my wanting the photographs. They were my childhood, the childhood I had lived, they were my memories, truth or not these pictures held the childhood in my heart that I held true. She was my mother and I would probably never think of her as anything else. If Eleanor Carter was my mother I would eventually learn to call her that, but for now, the woman that she called mother was gone and that had broken her heart.

I parked the car in the apartment complex lot and grabbed what I could carry heading up the stairs. I unlocked her front door and set the boxes down on the kitchen table. I grabbed the mail and locked the door again before settling down in my favorite chair to sort thru it, yikes I found that there was more junk than anything else, and this was about as good as checking the email. Ahh junk mail it was the spam that you could hold in your hand. I would decide what to do with those things in a little bit. There didn't seem to be a rush or deep seated need to take care of it right this second in time, it's not like it would grow legs and run off on me. I looked over to see the light on the answering machine blinking. I reached over and hit play on it to see who all had left messages while I was away. It's not like I had a lot of friends in Chicago who would have been missing me.

I had to laugh when she heard Susan's voice telling her not to forget to call her when I got in. I was reaching for the phone when I heard John's message.

"It's John, would you please call me when you get this. Susan said you had a family emergency and had to leave, but please just call me."

I dialed Susan's number first with out any hesitation. There was something about the urgency in the message from John that put me off to calling him first. I wasn't the kind of person who would blow people off but his tone was almost scary in a way and I thought the shorter phone call to Susan would be the better of the two to take first. Besides I promised her that I would call when I got home and happy I was that I was home sitting in my chair and not cramped in that damn car anymore.

"Hello." I heard the voice on the other end of the line say.

"I'm back." I said, "it was a long drive but I am back in Chicago now. Do you want me to work tomorrow because I can?"

"Call Carter and yes god do I want you to work tomorrow, can you handle a 12? 5 to 5 if you feel up to it." Susan said.

"Five am that sounds joyous. You can count on me I'll be there with bells on." She said smiling.

"Ha, ha, comedy is your strong suit, but if I were you I wouldn't give up your day job just yet." Susan said with a faked laughed, "I'll see you in the morning."

"Night Susan," I hung up the phone and then slowly dialed the number that John had left for me.

"Hello," his voice came across the line.

"Hey it's me." I said, "did you managed to go completely nuts with out me being in your head for a few days?"

"You should be a comedian not a doctor." He said into the phone.

"Yeah I know, you are the second person to tell me that today, I am seriously beginning to think that I missed my calling, so what's urgent need that I needed to call you as soon as I got home."

"I'll come by and get you we need to talk." He said.

"That's ominous John, has something happened that I should be aware of?" I asked the seriousness in his voice was almost too much for me to take right now.

"We just need to talk." He said, "I'll be there in 15 minutes."

"Okay, but you do know that I just spent 3 days in a car, I am cranky and probably not going to be the greatest of company right now. Really I am looking forward to climbing into my own bed with my head on my own pillow, are you absolutely one hundred percent sure that this can not wait until the morning. I mean seriously is this something that can not wait another 12 hours. I will be at County at 5 am if you want to catch me before my shift?" I said.

"15 minutes, I will be there in 15 minutes." His voice was stronger this time. I was getting the strong impression that this was something that definitely was not going to wait until the morning and that it was going to be awhile before I found my bed and was able to rest my very weary head against my own pillow.

"Okay, I will see you in 15 minutes." I said now hanging up the phone wondering what could be so important that he wanted to rush right over there. He had me intrigued but also worried and confused. Why didn't he just tell me over the phone what he needed to say? Something must have happened and he needed to see me to tell me the news. After the last few days I was just being paranoid there was probably nothing wrong and I was worried about nothing. Only time would tell at least I wasn't going to have to wait long to find out. After being in a car for three days, 15 minutes seemed like nothing.


	9. Chapter 9 Where's the looking glass

_**Chapter 9: Where's the looking glass**_

_My eyes are still on the elderly woman as I am telling the story. She seems to be intent on hanging onto every word that I say as if it's important that she hear this. I still can't shake the feeling that there's something important about her, something that I just can't place right now. It's deep inside me now and I don't know if I can find the strength to ask her about it right now. That and somehow I got the feeling that it would interrupt the flow of the story that she wanted to hear. Taking in yet another deep breath I continue on, I am almost to the end I fear, the toughest and hardest part of the story for me to have to retell but I will retell it, if only for her._

I waited and almost there for a short time paced. Feeling as if that knock on my door was never going to come, I mean really how long could it take for one man to get across Chicago. Did I really want to hear what he had to say; this could go two ways, if what he wanted to tell me was indeed the news that he had to tell me, but the more that I thought about it the more that I was certain that was indeed what he wanted to talk to me about. I found my thoughts going ninety million miles an hour. Nervousness filled my body as I waited, patients never being one of my greater virtues.

Then it came, the knock on the door, it sent me flying out of my skin. It took me a minute to gather myself back up so that I could actually go and open the door. Why I so scared right now, this was couldn't be all that bad now could it be? Great ask yourself a million questions rather than open the door that will get your very far Ketura. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey John," I said moving to the side to let him in, "come in." I waited for him to come into my rather meager apartment before closing the door. I was a tad bit embarrassed that he had to see his sister, or his possible sister living in less than grand living conditions, but it wasn't like County was the best paying hospital in the region and I had to live with in my means.

"Thanks." I heard him reply as he appeared to be looking around a little, "nice apartment."

"It's not much but its home." I find myself saying to him, "Please have a seat." I had worked myself over in front of my favorite spot sitting down with my legs automatically curling up under me. "What is it that you needed to talk to me about?" I find myself asking as I watch him settle down onto my couch.

"The DNA results came back while you were away." He said softly looking down, "I was so sorry to hear about your mother."

I wasn't sure if that was pleasantry on his part or if there was a little bit of sincerity in his voice as he said that. "Thank you." I was now wondering what those results might have said since he mentioned my mother. With a lot more hesitation than I intended, the silence filling the room, I found the courage somewhere inside me to ask the question that was now in the forefront of my brain, "and what were those results John?"

My eyes are glued to him now; there is this every growing knot in my stomach that is tightening with every second that passes. My nerves are starting to fray even more, holding onto my little bit of sanity by a thread no bigger than a piece of dental floss. His facial expression right now is so hard to read, I can't tell what he is thinking and that alone makes me even more nervous. For some reason right now I can not pick up on what he's feeling that connection that had been so strong between us before didn't seem to be there or was completely failing me. Maybe he was masking his feelings and that didn't seem to give me any relief either.

Then there was a smile, small at first but ever growing that was forming across his face, the relief of that smile was slow to hit me. I sat still as a mouse waiting as if I was hanging on every word, if those words were ever going to come.

"John Carter you tell me right now before I either explode or throw up. I can't handle the suspense anymore." I say looking at him my arms folding across my chest to keep me from rubbing my wrist raw out of habit.

"You are indeed who they thought you were." He said as he finally started to talk, "you are my missing sister."

"Missing sister," those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know what to think as the shock of what he just said was starting to sink in a little more. There was no smile on my face, I couldn't make myself smile. Not that I was frowning either, there was just no emotion on my face and I was sure that it was making him nervous. He couldn't have expected me to be jumping up and down with joy about that news, could have he? I just sat there holding my arms tightly across my chest, shock was the only emotion that I was able to feel right now. The silence in the room was overly unbearable, I think for both of us because I watched before me the smile that had been on his face start to fade.

"Ketura this is good news." I heard John say, yet the words just didn't want to register in my brain.

I am silent again for another minute still allowing it to sink in. I am wondering if he realizes the profound effect that this has upon me. Here I am finding out that my entire life, everything that I have lived as been nothing more than a glorified lie. I am not upset with him, far from upset with him. I am upset with the woman that had lied to me, who had taken me away from the family that I was born into and whisked me across the country to raise me where no one would think to look for me.

"Are you alright?" Still words are barely registering with me.

I have to think about what to say and there is nothing coming to my mind, without meaning too I let it slip out, "that woman lied to me, my whole life has been a lie, are you are asking me if I am alright, what do you think John?"

"I understand if you need some time…"

I jump in cutting him rudely off, "that is so kind of you to understand that I might need some time to adjust to all of this." I am snapping now, not meaning to but god this is a lot to have to take it right now, "you know this is my life, my life that is completely changing. You have to make room for one more person in your life, I have to make room and accept the fact that I have a family I know nothing about. That the people who I thought were my family are not who I thought they were." I stand up from the chair now as I start to pace some, my body needing something to do as my mind was going on with out stopping shouting things at me as I try so very hard to comprehend all of this. Right now I am not sure that I can fully comprehend all of this, there is too much and as it hits me I feel everything shutting down. I'm not sure if it's my own way of protecting me from overload or if I just honestly right now can't deal with all of it. Something inside of me is screaming stop just stop, you are overloading you are overloading. I try not to listen to my inner self, but it's no use. I collapse back into the chair, my head sinking into my hands as my body starts to violently sob. I am sitting there in complete tears and it actually feels good to be letting it all come pouring out like that. I am a grown woman now sitting in a chair crying like a baby whose favorite toy has been broken. I can feel my tears falling from my eyes, running down my cheeks and onto my palms that are holding my head up. Then I feel them, his arms wrapped around me, holding onto me as if I was some small china doll that he needed to protect.

_I look at the old woman for a minute, my eyes meeting hers as I am talking to her. It was almost as if she could understand how painful that moment in time had been for me. I wasn't sure but I could almost feel some connection to the woman right now and that feeling was scaring me more than I was willing to admit to anyone. I had only felt that connection with two other people in my life, the first was the woman who I thought was my mother and the second was John._

I had never before in my life felt the comfort that I was feeling with his arms around me. There was almost this feeling of some unconditional love and understanding that was there again without words needing to be spoken between the two of us. It was as if, as if he could feel the pain that was in my heart, the pain tugging at my very soul. And it was a soul that was being ripped in two.


	10. Chapter 10: Sibbling Rivalry at our age

_**Chapter 10: Sibling rivalry at our age**_

_I am smiling now a little at her, the worst of the story is over and there are just few odd details that I haven't told her but for the most part I haven't left anything out that I know of. I find myself now talking more to her than telling the story._

Having a brother took more adjusting on my part than on his, you see John had grown up with a sister, and a brother that died while they were children, me on the other hand I was the only child growing up with a mother who showered me with attention every chance she could. While John went to a private school I went to the public schools. I was a latch key kid in a neighborhood where that wasn't that uncommon, people would just watch out for other's kids when they knew a parent was working, I would either come home and watch cartoons while doing my homework or I would go and hang out with a friend. While we were not wealthy by any means and she worked hard to support the two of us, I never wanted for anything in my life. And there are things that she did for me as a child that I will never forget, even if I was at first mad at her when I found out that I really wasn't her child.

But in finding out I had a brother who was 2 minutes older than I was, brought out the extreme competitive nature that I had. While growing up I had no one to compete with, no one vying with me to be better than me at something, and here John was a doctor, but I had a leg up, while he was still a resident there, might have been chief resident, I was an attending on the staff there and for the first few weeks as we settled in to getting used to being brother and sister, I had to constantly remind him that I was the attending, okay I rather enjoyed reminding him of that one. Granted the circumstances that had held him back were not completely his own doing and were unfortunate I still rubbed it in every chance I got. And I was still trying to adjust to the new name. His family insisted on using the name that I was born with not the name that I was given.

"Victoria." I hear a voice calling; it took me a minute to once again realize that it was calling me.

I look up to see who it is, "what Johnathan?" I say snottily to him. "Can't we shorten that to something other than Victoria; please come on you got shortened to John can you not call me something that doesn't sound like I should have a pole shoved up my ass."

As I spit that out Gamma came walking into the room and I wanted to put my head between my legs and run and hide.

"Victoria Elizabeth Carter," I heard her say, "let me adjust that pole for you young lady."

I really wanted to crawl under the table now. Hearing what I was trying to adjust to as a full name wasn't a good sign, especially is she was offering to adjust a pole for me. I could hear John laughing at me as I turned bright red. "That won't be necessary ma'am." I say in my softest most polite voice that I could muster, "my apologies."

I am given a look from her and I'm not sure how I am supposed to interpret it. Something was telling me that I wasn't in trouble, but only because of how old I was, but more of a warning that, my behavior was not going to be tolerated if it happened again. John in the mean time has stuffed is laughter now into a smirk. Which as his sister I felt was my job to wipe off his face.

"John, sorry to see that you have to work on the holiday, that's the nice part of being an attending I don't have to work holidays. But then I guess that's why they are called Residents."

"Ah well it will be so nice that you are able to spend your first holiday here in Chicago with your family." He grinned back at me, "While I am slaving away at the hospital you can be here entertaining with the rest of the Carter clan."

Oh there was something in his tone of voice that was telling me that I didn't want to be there but I had just offered up my head on the platter rather than his. I was going to have to find a way out of this one and fast.

"Oh John you won't be able to be here with us, you need to get someone to cover your shift, it would be a shame for you not to spend it with your sister now that she has been returned to the family." Gamma said saving me.

"Oh gamma it would be a shame if John couldn't be here." I am now grinning like a Cheshire cat. "I will definitely have to talk to Susan and Kerry and see what can't be worked out so that you can be here with us all."

"Sorry but the schedule is already done." He said looking at me, "hands are tied someone has to work."

"And that someone will not be you." I say rather matter of fact. "I will see to it that you have the day off so that you can be here, we wouldn't want to disappoint anyone now would we?"

"Oh no we can't have that," I can hear the sarcasm in his voice but it just makes the grin on my face even bigger.

"Got that right dear brother," I find myself saying, "we would hate to let everyone down."

I did pull strings that Christmas so that he had to suffer right along side me as I learned to navigate the waters of being a Carter. Eventually I got them to shorten the name; Vicki seemed to suit me better than Victoria did.

I find myself looking down not at the old woman who is barely alive now, she's slipping from this world into the next. She has this smile on her face as she reaches up to gently touch the side of my face. I'm not sure what to make of her gesture, there is something more to it than just a friendly touch.

"Oh child you have brought more joy into this world that you know." She said to me her voice soft as she speaks to me now. "You have a god given talent, one that few people have these days."

I find that I am looking at her now, with wonderment in my eyes, unsure of why she is saying this to me now, for I have done nothing more than talk to her for the past few hours, to make sure that her last hours were not spent alone. "I did what anyone else would have done." I find myself saying now in a tone that matches hers. "No one deserves to be alone."

"I watched you grow from afar." She said, "through photo's sent to me once every few months newspaper clippings of your accomplishments. I can see why she was so proud of you. Granted I wished that I could have been there for you but circumstances didn't allow for it. We all have made our mistakes in life and those mistakes are often passed down from mother to daughter, father to son, until eventually someone learns from them. You have, I can see that you are more compassionate."

"Watched me from afar?" She had to have been someone who at one time had to have been close to my mother, not my birth mom but the woman who had raised me for so long. "Forgive me for asking who are you?"

"Bethany was a good woman." I hear her say now it had been so long since I had heard my momma's name mentioned. "I didn't do right by her and it showed. She just got on the wrong path and I was never around to correct it. What she, taking you was wrong, but she loved you just the same. My Bethany never meant to hurt you, I shouldn't have stayed away, I missed out on too much and I could have fixed this so much sooner."

My eyes looked into hers more so than they had the entire time I had been talking to her, for it was now that I could see that it was as if I was a child again looking into my mother's eyes. "Grandma," I say softer than the falling snow outside the window.

I could see the light in her eyes starting to fade even more as I held onto her hand, and as she passed I knew one thing, that the family you were born into wasn't always the family that you were meant to have. While I might have been born into one family I was raised in another. Eleanor always my mother by blood, but Bethany would be the one that I forever called mamma. Yet not matter who I felt that I belonged to the one thing that I knew for sure was that John was my brother, annoying as it might have been, there was something special that would always remain between the two of us.


End file.
